Family ties

Flying by Boat

Family ties

Only our family and close friends would have known that the prime purpose of flying by boat was for Colin to visit his elderly and frail mother Edna Margaret Symes (nee Salisbury; preferred name Suse) who has sadly been progressively losing her memory as a result of senile dementia. Having not seen Suse since she visited Sydney in 2001, Colin was in some doubt as to whether his mother would still recognise him. Dementia is a strange affliction, whose impact is not restricted to its victims, for it leaves its witnesses also in a mental quandary as to what in a conversation is really understood, what is impenetrable. The experience is not unlike that of dealing with a very young child and having to adjust the parameters of cognitive normality to suit the child's more limited mental capacities (Shakespeare had something to say about all of us returning to our childhood, didn’t he?), only this time the mind is shrinking not expanding. Her mental powers though are not totally decimated: she can still write, still read (without glasses!) and has a droll sense of humour, manifested in eruptions of laughter. Everyone who meets her is endeared by her demeanour.

Much of our conversation with Suse has taken place on paper due to her hearing loss, with us writing questions and answers to her, which she reads avidly (“what an interesting story”, over and over again in rapt concentration, responding with laughter (and sometimes tears) to something in her life, our lives, such as our recent marriage (“seeking my permission: that’s a bit late”) or our trip on the QM2 (“that must have cost a lot of money”; “the food must have been wonderful”) or her visits to Sydney (“I used to live there once, it is such a beautiful place”) or Colin (“he’s so handsome”) {she must be having hallucinations!}. Suse’s mind might be more than a little dishevelled but her body (appearance) is remarkable for a 93 year old and she displays her characteristic sartorial taste, especially for Colin’s clothes, watch, and camera (“they must cost such a lot”). As for tears there were plenty flowing on our first visits and especially from Suse when memories of her husband Tim (Frederick Symes) were stirred up by photos and Suse’s confusion as to who Colin was—husband, son or just a visiting handsome stranger.

We have only admiration for and thanks to Geraldine Colin’s sister who has cared for Suse over many years and particularly over the last years when Geraldine also cared for her terminally ill husband Tony Parker. Geraldine has opened her heart and home to us providing us with a real family visit as we have caught up with Colin’s closest family Geraldine’s daughter Siobhan Richards, and husband David, Suse’s only grandchild and as well with Ashley, Aydan and Declan Richards Suse’s three great grandsons whom she adores. Hopefully these close family snapshots tell a story that is close to your own hearts.